I Couldn't Say, I Love You To Him
by oxHeatherRizxo
Summary: After Nick and Kai break up, Jess isn't sure she should be with Ryan either. Rated T for very minor cursing.


"Oh my gosh, I can't believe what a problem I have Cece!" Jess sighed as she sat down at the bar.

"Why what happened? You seemed so excited for tonight. You wouldn't stop sending me pictures of what dresses you were trying on for like an hour, not to mention the shoes." Cece raised her eyebrows and set her hands down on the bar.

"I know, I was. It's Ryan and I's three month anniversary and I knew we were gonna say it tonight but then he said it first and i'm an idiot. I screwed up, I just, like y'know." Jess was rambling only stopped from her stolen breath from her lungs used for Jess talk than only half made sense.

"Actually no, I don't know. In fact, I have no idea what you just said. Just hold on one second Jess, I'm gonna go serve a few customers and get you a drink and we'll talk all about it." Cece reached over to rub Jess' arm and mouthed, "don't stress" before getting back to work.

"Okay ready to talk?" Cece said while putting a glass of pink wine in front of Jess and taking a seat on the stool next to her. Jess turned her body towards her to face her.

"Yeah, I'm a bit more relaxed now." Jess smiled sadly and took a sip of her drink. "So basically, the short version is Ryan just like every other guy said 'I love you' and just like every other time I didn't say it back. It's just, I felt so ready to say it this time. I care about him so much. I was so excited this whole week cause I thought I could do it and I tried to but the words just couldn't come out." Jess looked down at her hands.

"Jess do you want to know what I honestly think?" Cece tilted her head to the side and looked at Jess who was still looking down at her hands, Jess just shrugged her shoulders. "I think that maybe you may not love Nick romantically anymore but I think you definetly still have something with him that you aren't going to find in anyone else and you're not ready to let go of that. Plus Nick just broke up with Kai a few days ago so maybe you were ready to tell Ryan that you loved him last week but maybe now that Nick is single you think you may have a chance with him again, maybe you don't want to rub Ryan in his face or something, that part is more for you to figure out but I almost one hundred percent sure that your little dilemma right now has something to do with Nick."

Jess finally looked up shaking her head in denial "This has noth-".

"Jess." Cece just had to look at her with that 'just admit look' for Jess to know she was serious.

"Oh. My. God." Jess saw two familiar faces walking towards them behind Cece, who furrowed her eyebrows and took a look behind her as well. "Genslinger and BearClaw who would've thought you two were friends." Jess smiled and got off her stool to hug both of them.

"Oh no were not we were just talking at the other side of the bar and we both saw you and I don't know, small world." Paul said.

"Well it's great to see you, did the wedding happen yet or are you guys still planning?" Jess asked jumping back up on her stool.

BearClaw interrupted and started patting Paul on the back, "Actually, I'm the married one but I'm guessing this one will tell you all 'bout that in a second since I better get going to the ol' ball and chain. It was nice seeing you Jess." He said as he leaned in for an unexpected, awkward hug for Jess. Jess just smiled awkwardly.

"Well i'm going to get back to work, i'll let you to talk." Cece said as she hopped off her stool that Paul then gladly took.

"What was that with BearClaw? Did you and asian me, Jen, Jennifer, Jen person type female," Jess was getting flustered of course she had to say 'asian me'.

Paul just laughed and smiled, "If you're trying to ask if we broke up, the answer is yes."

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Jess subconscesly reached down to touch her hand to his knee.

Paul smiled down at his knee and then looked back up, "Don't be this was months ago."

"It still sucks."

"Jess, I know what you're doing. Acting all cutesy so I'll spill the details." He put his hand on top of hers and bit his bottom lip.

"Sorry, I guess that was kind of an obvious approach to get gossip." They both laughed.

"It's fine, I'm just not in the mood for talking." Paul shook his head, knowing that was probably coming off too strong.

"Can you wait here for just one second, I just have to go ask Cece a question." Jess started to stand.

"Hm." Paul stared at her.

"What?"

"Still asking Cece for relationship advice?"

"You seem different, confident." Jess turned her head.

"Oh that's just the alcohol." Paul began to stand up.

"Where are you going?" Jess asked in a question tone.

"Well the way I see it you're gonna go over there ask Cece what to do and she'll say to sleep with me because you know it's bad to sleep with strangers and good to forget about whatever guy you need to backslide over."

"Hm, I guess that true. Promise you're not about to propose to some girl again?"

Paul laughed, "Yes, I promise. Swear even, I am so single right now."

"Okay well you're driving I walked here from that fancy little resteraunt down the block." She pointed behind her.

"Ah, so that's why you're in this fancy little get up." He helped her put on her coat as they started walking out the door.

* * *

><p>Back at the loft Nick and Winston were going over what he was going to say to Jess. The reason him and Kai broke up was because she said he was acting way 'too mature' for her liking and that gave Nick confidence enough to win Jess back. He never stopped loving her or thinking about her everyday and now he was finally at the right point in life where he done with random hook ups and relationships that weren't the real deal because Jess was his real deal, his longterm, his fairytale ending. He can only see his future with Jess in Portland with two kids and a horse or whatever she wants because he wants that too. He wants her and the big house in some suburban town with a white picket fence and family barbeques on Sundays. He needs her seeing her with other people killed him and maybe she's with Ryan but he'll explain all the reason why he's better. As he was thinking he heard keys jingle and was yelling at Winston to hide, Coach was out of town finally having some alone time in Hawaii so he knew it had to be Jess-and Paul?<p>

"What the hell?" Nick thought he said it in his head but apparently it was out loud because Paul and Jess stopped kissing and were now staring at him all disheveled and Winston started standing up from his crouched down position.

"Oh hey Paul?" Winston pulled his most confused face and silently backed out of the room into his own.

"Um. Paul do you mind just waiting in my room for just a few minutes." She said quietly looking up at him with a smile that didn't match her eyes.

"Yeah sure, i'll just be..." He trailed off toward her bedroom not really sure what to do with himself once inside.

"Nick?" he was pissed, hands clenched with vain sticking out on his forehead.

"What. The. Hell."

"Excuse me?"

"What. The. Hell. I thought you were with Ryan."

"It's a long story."

"So let me get this straight you break up with Ryan and your first instinct is to call Paul?"

"No my first instinct was to go the bar to drink and talk to Cece, Paul happened to be there and we started talking." Jess was starting to feel guilty and she didn't know why.

"Okay."

"Nick, C'mon don't be like this. Why are you even mad?"

"What do you mean why am I mad? You didn't see me going back to one of my exes after me and Kai broke up, I was trying to do the mature, responsible thing!"

Paul's ear was pressed against Jess' door he was grateful Nick was yelling or else this fight would be really hard to hear.

"Why?" Jess said.

"For you Jess. You told me we didn't want the same things and we needed a break so I started to grow up, become more responsible be in actual relationship other than ours and see what a future of that would be like and I didn't like it, and Kai had money so it's not because it wouldn't be unstable it's because it wasn't with you and our children and our horse."

Jess laughed sadly she started to have tears in her eyes she didn't know what to say luckily she still had time to think since Genslinger entered the room, "Hey I think I'm just gonna head out, it was nice seeing you guys again and meeting BearClaw." Paul said as he basically ran out the door not wanting to be in any awkward Nick and Jess drama like at Thanksgiving with the 'Big Time' play.

Nick was curious about the BearClaw comment but he just ignored it. Nick and Jess both waved and Jess mouthed an "I'm sorry" to him.

"So, Jess?" Nick looked up at her hopeful.

"You know today was Ryan and I's three month anniversary and he said, 'I love you' and I thought I was ready to say it back but there's only two people I've ever said, 'I love you' to and one of them cheated on me and the other I'm still in love with and I always have been since the day I moved in and just the thought of him stops me from saying it to all the other guys." She was saying as she kept on stepping closer and closer to him before she was as close as she could possibly be before putting a hand on his cheek and leaning forward just a little to kiss him before Nick reached the rest of the way to her lips. Nick missed this not only the kissing but the touching, the intimacy. They kissed until they couldn't breath anymore before resting their foreheads against each others and Jess whispered in a raspy voice trying to get air, "I love you, Nick."

"I love you too, Jessica."


End file.
